Currently Playing Creep By Radiohead see related

- Creep -

Last night was an odd night for me... only because I know I'm not dating a certain someone anymore, but shit if I don't still act like it... she's all I think about when not distracted with crap, but she makes it hard for me to trust her on the occasion, but I can't really hold that against now can I? I've fucked up before with alot of people and I know it ain't easy keeping me around after such things... but I truly feel like I'm no longer welcome in certain places... I'm just a depressed fuck head who ain't got much of a future, whose insights and wisdom is failing me now... mentally, I'm ill and I know it, yet I don't want to place myself in a hospital, I don't want to put myself on pills for the rest of my days... I wanna cry nearly everynight and for what?...nothing, that's what... people seem to think that hiding things from me will help keep me calm, but it doesn't when I know something is being hidden, worse yet I hate it when I hide things from people, I  hate to lie, I hate to do a lot of things that I do... and still I do them... it's almost as if I'm a wicked soul... I want to exit and I want to exit now... I think once starwars has passed I'll be leaving... don't know for where yet, don't know for how long, but I'm going to... I don't want anyone to try and stop me, nor do I believe fully that anyone would. I need to find my heart again folks... I'm a little to imperial for my liking... sorry for everything...

Farewell, General calrissian

FIVE MORE DAYS TILL STARWARS: REVENGE OF THE SITH!!!

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 Ok now on to the crap that is me... I've been fired twice in one week! Yippee!!! I'm the most outrageous LOSER! this side on kentucky or talasea or the morobe system or middle earth...whatever,  you (the audience) wishes to call it. I'm needing a serious vacation, who agrees? No one? ...oh ok I get it... i'm a bad friend... you don't have to rub it in do you? you do? why? oh that's fucked up of you, besides that wasn't completely my fault, your house burning down and all... geez... never let a nigga live that down will ya?

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God I suck balls harder than everysinglewhoreiknowof.... I'm being apathetic aren't I?

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Let's check my debt owed meter:

Ray - 200$ ( Ray sorry but I'm getting there... please forgive me...)

Alex: 40$ ( in bags o' seed )

Mateo: 20$ (train fare once)

Cingular: 999.85$ ( this is martins fault....I'm crying here people)

Sprint: ???  ( previous bill, which I paid in full....the bastards fucked up)

Countless hospitals: ????.??$ (for an asthma attack, for trying to slit my wrist, for flatlining.... wait a minute... if I died everytime I went to the hospital then why do I owe them money?)

Carmen: 13$ (for train fare)

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I realize my site is more of a rant site... fuck me with a plastic bag wrapped around a spoon....

BleH......

It's been awhile, hasn't it? Anyway I'm here to give a brief update on myself and my crap ridden life... I'm like a dollar (get it) there's only one... right now my nerves are shot as all hell, I wanna vomit, i'm dizzy and I've been fighting a migrain since last night... don't know what's wrong with me, maybe it's the stress maybe it's not. Who knows hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow, hopefully the force will grant me knowledge of what's wrong...

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In other news, everyone with have a brain and a Revolutionary complex, this means the vega family, should check out Earth2flames page... it seems there's a storm brewing up and I plan to join... as soon as possible...or at least when I don't feel like i'm being drowned by an unseen force... anywayz Assata Shakur framed for a murder she didn't commit, imprisoned wrongfully, forced to escape and exile herself to cuba, must be a house hold name! I'm sick and tired of the blacks in america being so fucking ignorant along with every other culture here who wishes to despise one another despite the fact that we are all in the same fucking boat... I'm a knight and proclaim it loud and proud, I'm black by birth, warrior by gods graces (though I implore some really fucked up tactics at times) and survivor by will and soul alone... i feel it's time we over threw the powers that make people insecure, that say we as a people must work 40+ hrs to live... I wish to give the world true independence by freeing them of the guilt pushed down our throats by the media... trust no one, believe in all, love god, listen to his voice through the force...stand up and fight a just cause, be dirty and under handed if you must, lord knows the true enemy has been to us... telling us that being fat is the same as being ugly, saying things like certain clothes makes us important enough to talk to... saying that being a independent thinker is wrong and that we must conform to their control.... Martin Luther King jr. died trying to give us back our true minds, Malcom X died in the same vain, Tupac killed for saying more of the truth than they wanted him to, Mandela imprisoned for giving his people a purpose outside of slavery and in fighting... Che for liberating his people, El Salvadors men and women fought for 12 years because america decided they were savages and that their way of life was wrong incomparison.

How many more people must die, because america wants to control everything... how many idiot ass white people will have the privlige of saying hey that's wrong to do...when they don't understand why it's being done... no one ever asked "why are you doing that?" they all assumed it was wrong, sinful, unjust, and more often than not....that it was unholy. Who the fuck do these people think they are? that they could pass such judgements... when our country is poisoness to it's own people, when our country said we can do certain things because of the first set of laws writing...then told us that we are wrong for using them...censorship, probable cause and etc; are all illegitmate reasons to control us... I for one am tired of the bullshit... bush is a fucking idiot... our votes don't really count, because the collegiate vote out weights the peoples vote... I'm ready for true holy war, who's with me and Trish and everyone else of like mind... we need to band together and fight like theirs no tomorrow...

Your newly reinstated General Calrissian

Yesterday was my 24th Birthday...yippee? Nah never that, though I was glad to have gotten so much love from a number of people I personally didn't know how to act... I realize I'm way too suspecious...and talking to Maria and Mary jane as often as I do, don't fucking help....I need to do something with myself, see a doctor, go back to skool, film a project, get a better job, stop being caught up with all these women I don't go hunting for... something anything, whatever it is I must be doing, then fuck for the rest of your lives; because I need a clue... I don't want to be bitter anymore over Wendy Angelic Agudo... I don't want to be sore over a certain station in the midwest...I don't want to shy away from Australia, nor do I was to acknowledge oldfeelings from highskool or give credit to them... I'm whining again aren't I? it's okay you guys can tell me, it's cool really...hmm I was just saying to Lovecankill that he should free his mind and stop this goth pussy shit... (hey not all goths are posuers, just the majority i've met) I'm going to convert this site to my love of playing superhero... I wanna hear about other peoples fucked up lives... maybe me and whomever can learn a thing or two from each other... both opinions will be nonbiased, because we don't know each other... bleh! I'm far from being comfortable on this journey and my soul needs cleansing...

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Now in other news I hate my Job... I'm starting now from this point on...to be a man a real man... godbye moms house, good bye candy, good riddance coomplaints... (temporarily, I mean its me)